“A true friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future, and accepts you just the way you are.”

What the hell? She just automatically thinks I don't care, like somehow, someway I've almost erased her? I don't get it. She expects ME to talk to her first, I always have. Since day one. Not once has she ever said 'Hello' to me first. No. Yet when I suddenly stop she just thinks I don't care? How does she think that makes me feel when I have to talk to her, and never her to me. May sound spoilt and stupid, but I don't understand her anymore.
She didn't even say Happy Birthday. That's 2 words. I don't expect much. Maybe I do. Maybe I expect her to drop at my feet and apologise and shower me with 'love'. But 2 words, that's all. Unless she forgot. She probably did since I'm easy to forget, too easy infact.
"I do not know what the fúck is your deal. You care, you don't? Or maybe you ARE too young to understand. No mails, no nothing? I have much more important things to deal with than other people, still I managed to find some time for you. I wonder, why's that. No, I REALLY wonder, because I'm loosing interest."
That's what she put. Isn't she amazing and sweet? :) No. She hurt me. She doesn't say ANYTHING to me, probably wrote it there knowing I wont read it. But I did. I probably am too young to understand. But I can't understand something that isn't explained. Talk to ME. Stop avoiding me. Just because you haven't been online, nor have I mailed you doesn't mean I don't care. I might as well ignore you the way you're acting.

Why is it so hard for me to accept people have a social life?

CLICK IT.

Crying's good for you?

I'm crying now and I can't explain why to anyone. I so badly want to express it to everyone but I can't. My eyes are all blurry and so's the keyboard (if I make mistakes that's why). My tea's beside me and I can't eat it. I feel sick.. I'm so damn angry. I want to talk to someone, but I can't. Not like last time. I don't want to move away from her but at the same time I want too. I can't deal with her anymore.. If I got a knife and stabbed myself she wouldn't care. I might as well do it.. I know she wants me too.

Gaaaah.

My sister is hitting my cat with a stick. Would you just let her do it and say nothing? I doubt it. So I was shouting at her saying "NO! That's naughty.. STOP IT". Then my mother decides to shout at me. Ha. "You say nothing to her all day, so stop shouting at her". So, I said "Fine, I'll just let her hit the cat with a stick". In her self centered tone she said "I'll decide what I do thank you very much". For one I didn't say what she was doing/not doing.

The words in bold are the emphasis she put on them..

Writing, stories.. based on fact?

I want to write, about something that's life changing. But I doubt I'd think of anything, not now.

[Listen]
I love that song, so listen. ^^

I'm going my nans today, not for long.. but I dislike how she moans, and moans. She craves sympathy sometimes. Gaaaaah.
~

Hmm.

My mum said I spend too much time on the computer, and said I should go on it less. Next minute she's ON THE COMPUTER. She really annoys me sometimes. Like last week, I got an Easter Egg off my 'friend', but I sorta.. ate it. She starts lecturing me that it's not Easter (I AM aware of that mum, thanks) and I shouldn't have ate it. It's chocolate. Just because she decided I'm going to be Roman Catholic doesn't mean I believe in any of the religion, the more she forces it's 'real' the less I believe it. She should give up.
I can't talk to her much anymore, we just ignore each other now. I tell her nothing, and she still questions why. I don't get it, if she's as smart as she gives of then she should understand.. -.-

Oh, I thought I'd mention this (not that interesting):
In P.E, we're doing skipping with my bitch of a teacher. I got a bit too carried away and whipped myself, I had a perfect curved red mark there.. I was paranoid it would scar. It didn't, thank god. But it sure as hell hurt. All my teacher said to me was "Aww", in a patronising, mocking way. Thanks miss.>.<

Dedicated to those I love.

In no order.
Mari; I trust you with my life, I really do. Mailing you makes me happy because I know you'll say something that makes me laugh. You're so interesting, you'd never bore me. It just totally sucks that you're in a whole different country than me. I love you. [Drugstore Jesus]

Emma; You always know how I feel, and how to solve my problems. You must get damn sick of me telling you what's up. I love you a whole lot for that. You're so amazing, and I can't believe we really disliked each other at first. You aren't imperfect, you're anything but that. [Imperfect?]

Emma; I love our skype talks, it's so interesting. We don't talk that much, but when we do I never fail to smile or laugh. You DO fail at life, it's one of them things you have to live with. But either way I love you. [Espionage]

Something's wrong.

Lately, I take everything people say to heart. I was quizzing Emma about me, because what someone said got to me. I don't know why, if they say they dislike me I swear to god I go in panic mode. I hate being like this, I'm too emotional. I'm happy then I'm Mrs IfYouTalkToMeI'llWrapYouInDepression. It's horrible. I want to sleep, forever. My dreams are damn well weird, even my brain can't solve my problems out. That's what dreams do..solve your problems. Everything that bothers you gets sorted into a dream - that's why they can be damn well weird and wonderful.

Sun, sun, sun.

I love the lighting on this.
If only I were pretty.



















Sarah wanted a picture of me.
I just stood there, that's why I look terrible.
Ooh, I was in PE!
I love gymnastics man.















Today.
Emily, left.
Me, right. The one with the heart glasses.















This was yesterday.
Me, left.
Michelle, right.

Hate my friends.

In real life, of course. Online friends ftw. You know it's bad when your online friends mean more to you than your real ones. Well, it's not bad. Is it?

Emily, emily, emily. Why are you SO different when Georgia's around, hm? Do you despise me, but stick with me 'cause Georgia's around? 'Cause I don't play games, tell me the truth. Since when did you like Tasha? Eh, nevermind. I can't be bothered to deal with people like you. Although you find it so interesting when I'm arguing with jessie. No one dares argue with jessie anymore. I don't care, I will. She's messed up.
Anthea, if you follow me around anymore I'm ordering a restraining order.
No one messes in my personal space, and you do. Leave me afreakin'lone.

"We're on a break"

Hannah, how sad can you get? You tell your boyfriend "we're on a break." You either want him, or you don't. It's basically saying "I used to like you, I don't now - get lost until I need you again, k?" Silly person.

It's funny though, must be a bit embarassing to say 'Oh him? We're on a break'. I laughed when she told me, it's something you'd say on some cheesy american show. Ha.

Kill me, or her.

My mother is freakin' annoying me.

Moan #1:
I ask her where the Birthday paper is, and the gets it. She doesn't pass it to me, no. She THROWS it at me. Then moans how I aren't grateful that she's brought the present and card. What more can I do? Make you dinner with gold plates, bowls, cutlery? Diamonds and crystals on the napkins? Thrones as seats? God.

Moan #2:
I don't do anything, I don't say anything. I was reasonably 'happy'. Then she goes "Stop with that attitude or you're getting the bus home". Fine by me, at least I don't have to sit with you.

I will edit and add more, but she's questioning me about what I'm typing.

Jessie...

Fuck off you stupid little contradicting pathetic big forheaded bitch. Don't tell me shut the fuck up you big mouthed cow, honestly. Get dani fight your battles for you, hm? Or your stupid mellon headed boyfriend.
I'm cocky, deal with it you moron. EVERYONE apart from dani 'n melon head freaking HATE YOU. Pathetic low life, "baddaman try hard" bitch.
Go die.

Sheesh.

She had a go at me 'cause I didn't tell her who was on the phone, she hasn't grasped the concept of "I'm not talking to you again". She'll never learn. I do talk to her, not much though. "Yes." "Thanks." "No." "Coffee." "Night."
I'm an awkward kid, I feel sorry for my mum having to deal with me all the time. Although she should feel sorry for me having to deal with her all the time.
She doesn't stick to promises. "I'll quit smoking, I promise." "I'll stop drinking, I promise." "I'll listen to you more, I promise."
She'll be the cause of my death, I know she will.

G'morning.

Coffee mornings. It's 08:53 at this point in the morning. My sister fell asleep like she'd been shot - at the safety gate. My fingers are a bit numb, mainly because I was playing guitar hero last night. I never realised how much I like rock. I guess you want to know what I look like. Maybe I'll take a photo, I'm not sure. I hate the way I look, yes hate - not dislike. I wont go into that, though.

Jess, please leave me alone.

Wtf?

Man, I'm so depressing.
I'm probably bringing your vibe down.
But, that's me right now.
Depressing Lauren.
Great.

I want to cry, my life is fine (excluding parents). What's wrong with me. I'm really down, maybe it's to do with the videos I've seen today. Deaths. I hope so, I hate this feeling. Really I do.

http://uk.gosupermodel.com/profiles/index.jsp
Mail me, cheer me up.
Gifts would be nice too, but I don't mind if not. I just want someone to lift my vibe.

You can go now, I hope I haven't depressed you. I do that. Alot.

God.

I want to push jessie on a train track.

No more mr nice guy.

I attempted being nice and it just backfired. I can't be bothered to try again, mum. You were late picking me and Giovanni up - silly. I wont bother with you anymore, I'll move on - I wouldn't want to waste anymore time.
****
Ms Gillespie is mad at us, all of us. She's a rich, stuck up cow any way. Who the hell has three-five bluddy houses? Not to mention THREE OF THE SAME CAR; but different colours of course. You go on holiday everytime we break up from school, no wonder you look like you've been tangoed. I hate german, you say I'm in the 'smart' group - for which the colour is purple. Hm. I hate german, I'm not taking it. Shove it, please.

Mr Paterson, you are a serious pervert. Molly and I sit at the back, you always come to us. Mr Hoult is casually walking towards us to answer our questions and Mr. P (P=paterson and pervert) comes rushing to answer us. You go to Jade too, it's obvious she's very pretty - so's molly. Molly and Jade are cousins. Jade's a bitch. Molly is lovely. Yet jade gets the attention for her looks, molly is a special bee. i <3 u.

Throw the threats, go on.

I aren't on speaking terms to them, I don't see why I should talk to them. I don't want to, to be frank. This wedding should occupy them long enough for me not to be in contact with them. No, it's not their wedding. They got married on my birthday, when I was 6. I'll be related to Hannah now, through marriage of course, she's amazing. So refreshing to talk too, although I wish I saw her more often.
I'm getting told off for ignoring my mum, and sometime for ignoring my dad. My mum threatend not to pick me up from school tomorrow, so i'll have to catch the bus. The bus costs money mum, and we don't have alot of it. Pick another threat, maybe a suitable one this time, eh? Honestly, you have no sense or feeling whatsoever. You just carry on typing mum, pretend everything's okay. You stay on your computer, since you care about that more than your own bloody daughter - but as long as you're happy..

I hate my pathetic life.

Mother, why do you hate me? I know you do, I can tell. Your tone, your looks, your actions. You hate me. I don't talk to you anymore, yet you wonder why. I don't tell you anything about school or my life, and yet you don't see why. Wake up to reality and realise you hurt me so much inside. No, I wont tell you either. I cant. I don't want to. I wish you'd realise, you never will. You're to ignorant and stuck up.
You choose the computer over me, yes that's how much you love me. If I ran away, I don't think you'd notice. You tell me off for doing bad in school, don't you realise?
Don't worry mum, I hate you too.